How Quitting Smoking Saved My Life & Love: A 47-Year Marriage

It began with a simple, stinging critique. A comment, really, delivered with the unflinching honesty only a new love can muster. “Kissing you,” my girlfriend Elvira said, “is like licking the inside of an ashtray.” It was 1976, and I was a two-packs-a-day smoker, convinced of my own invulnerability. That single sentence, however, proved to be the catalyst for a decision that reshaped my life, a decision I’ve never once regretted.

I started smoking at 18, a freshman in college and newly liberated from the confines of home. The habit quickly escalated. It wasn’t about nicotine addiction, not initially. It was about ritual, about carving out moments in my day defined by the simple act of lighting up. A cigarette after every meal, with every drink, although writing late into the night – every occasion became an excuse. I savored the taste, the smell, the visual spectacle of the glowing ember and curling smoke. It was, I believed, cool. And, of course, I was utterly, foolishly wrong.

For six years, I navigated college and my first job shrouded in a haze of tobacco smoke. I intellectually acknowledged the health risks – the potential for cancer, the damage to my lungs – but dismissed them with the arrogance of youth. I was 24, and in my mind, mortality was a distant concern. Cigarette brands were plentiful, and I cycled through them, settling on Salems for a long stretch. The habit felt ingrained, a part of my identity.

The Turning Point: A Relationship on the Line

Then came Elvira. She was my opposite in almost every way – grounded, sensible, and possessed of a good heart and an even temper. I was immediately drawn to her, and the feeling was mutual. But there was one insurmountable obstacle: my smoking. She didn’t just dislike it. she hated it. She forbade me from smoking around her, even in my own apartment, banishing me to the sidewalk for my fix.

I tried to quit, repeatedly. I lost bets with friends, attempting cold turkey only to relapse. I even attempted a bizarre experiment – smoking nonstop for an entire day, hoping to overwhelm myself with the unpleasantness of the habit. It didn’t work. I returned to my Salems the next morning, defeated.

But Elvira’s blunt assessment of my kisses – the “licking an ashtray” comment – resonated in a way nothing else had. It wasn’t about health warnings or moral lectures; it was about intimacy, about the desire to be attractive to the woman I loved. The thought of losing her over something so self-inflicted was unbearable.

A New Year, A New Life

On January 1, 1977, I made a New Year’s resolution that actually stuck. I quit smoking. It wasn’t easy, but this time, the motivation was different. It wasn’t about willpower or fear; it was about love. Nine months later, Elvira and I moved in together. Seven months after that, I proposed, and she said yes. Eight months later, we were married.

And that was just the beginning. Four years later, our son, Michael, arrived, followed by our daughter, Caroline, five years after that. Today, we have two grandchildren, Nicola and Lucia, and the joy of watching them grow. It’s a life I wouldn’t trade for anything, a life made possible by a single, uncomfortable truth delivered by the woman I loved.

Beyond Personal Gain: A Broader Perspective

It’s impossible not to wonder what my life would have been like had I continued smoking. Would I have suffered from the debilitating effects of lung disease? Would I have missed out on precious moments with my family? The thought is sobering. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates that smoking causes more than 480,000 deaths each year in the United States alone. The health consequences are well-documented, ranging from cancer and heart disease to respiratory illnesses and stroke.

Quitting smoking wasn’t just about avoiding those risks; it was about gaining a life filled with energy and vitality. I was able to play pickup basketball well into my 60s, racing around the court with men half my age. I still have the stamina to retain up with my grandchildren. These are gifts I wouldn’t have had if I’d remained a smoker.

The Power of Honest Feedback

Looking back, I realize that Elvira’s criticism wasn’t just about my breath. It was about her caring enough to challenge me, to push me to be a better version of myself. It was a moment of brutal honesty that ultimately saved my life. The experience underscores the importance of open communication in relationships and the power of external feedback to motivate positive change.

And, of course, it’s a reminder that sometimes, the most valuable lessons come from the most unexpected sources. In my case, it was a simple, yet profound, observation about the state of my kisses. A comment that led to a lifetime of health, happiness, and love.

Playing Catch with Strangers: A Family Guy (Reluctantly) Comes of Age by Bob Brody is available now (Heliotrope Books)