Stop Drinking: Choose Your Values, Not Just Avoid Discomfort
The path to changing any ingrained habit, including alcohol consumption, isn’t a single dramatic decision, but a series of small choices made in moments of vulnerability. Here’s the core insight emerging from a growing body of work in acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), and one that challenges the conventional wisdom surrounding sobriety. For years, the question has been: how do I quit drinking *for decent*? Increasingly, the focus is shifting to understanding the subtle moments where we choose to move *towards* our values, or *away* from discomfort.
Jeanette Hu, an alcohol-free coach, reflects on this shift in a recent article, noting that despite her professional role, she doesn’t have a single answer to the question of how to break drinking patterns. The process, she argues, is less about a grand declaration and more about recognizing “choice points” – those everyday moments where we can consciously align our actions with the life we want to build.
Understanding the ‘Choice Point’
These choice points aren’t limited to decisions about alcohol. They permeate our lives: choosing between exercise and Netflix, responding to a challenging email or delaying it, picking up the phone to connect or retreating into solitude. Hu explains that these moments often present a binary: a step towards the person we aspire to be, or a retreat from something unpleasant. The challenge lies in recognizing these moments, and understanding the underlying motivations driving our choices.
Often, we operate on autopilot, unaware of the two paths before us. The pull to move *away* from discomfort – from stress, boredom, loneliness, or even just a long day – is a powerful, instinctive force. It’s not a sign of weakness, but a natural protective mechanism. As Hu points out, we all develop strategies for avoiding discomfort, whether it’s procrastination, people-pleasing, or, for many, reaching for a drink.
The Dependency Loop and Human Needs
This pull to move away is central to what Hu calls the “dependency loop,” a cycle that perpetuates alcohol use. The first, often invisible, force driving this loop is our fundamental human needs. Consider the scenario of reaching for a drink after a draining day, before fully acknowledging exhaustion. Or, taking a sip of wine to quell rising frustration with a partner’s habits. These aren’t instances of drinking “for no reason,” but rather the system’s attempt to alleviate unwanted feelings.
This aligns with research into addictive behaviors, which highlights the role of psychological inflexibility. A clinical pearl from Addiction Psychology explains that an unwillingness to experience painful emotions can contribute to the development and maintenance of addictive behaviors. Experiential avoidance, the habit of trying to suppress or escape uncomfortable feelings, reinforces the association between negative emotions and substance use.
Beyond Willpower: Moving *Towards* Values
The common approach of simply trying to “tough it out” or relying solely on willpower often backfires. This creates an internal struggle, a tug-of-war between the instinct to avoid discomfort and the conscious effort to resist. Hu argues that the key isn’t to deny the pull to move away, but to find something compelling to move *towards* instead. This is where acceptance and commitment therapy offers a powerful tool: identifying and aligning actions with core values.
What does that look like in practice? Instead of focusing solely on abstaining from alcohol, the emphasis shifts to cultivating activities and relationships that are meaningful, and fulfilling. If the urge to drink arises after a stressful day, the choice isn’t simply between alcohol and discomfort, but between alcohol and a book you’ve been wanting to read, a conversation with a loved one, or a relaxing walk. Each small step towards these values reinforces the desired behavior and builds self-trust.
The Journey, Not the Destination
It’s crucial to recognize that this isn’t a linear process. Even with strong commitment, setbacks are inevitable. The beauty of choice points, even though, is that they are constant. Hundreds of opportunities arise each day, big and small, to choose between moving towards or away. Each moment offers a fresh start, a chance to realign with values.
This approach isn’t about eliminating the “away moves” entirely, but about increasing the number of “toward moves.” With each action aligned with core values, we reinforce the identity of the person we want to become. Confidence grows, and self-trust deepens, laying the foundation for lasting change.
What Research Reveals About Supporting Change
Research into acceptance and commitment therapy supports this approach. A pilot trial evaluating ACT for alcohol use, as detailed in this study, assessed psychological flexibility using the Acceptance and Action Questionnaire (AAQ) for substance use disorder. While the study is a pilot and further research is needed, it highlights the importance of psychological flexibility in addressing alcohol use. The researchers used tools like the Time Line Follow Back Scale to estimate alcohol use patterns and the Obsessive-Compulsive Drinking Scale (OCDS) to evaluate craving.
Your Next Opportunity
The next time you find yourself at a choice point regarding alcohol, pause. Instead of reacting impulsively, inquire yourself: what am I trying to move away from in this moment, and what do I genuinely want to move towards? The answer, Hu suggests, lies within your values – the things that truly matter to you. And remember, this is a journey, not a race. Each small, conscious choice is a step in the right direction.