The Mattering Instinct: Why We Long to Feel Significant & How It Divides Us
The need to matter – to perceive significant, valued, and worthy of attention – isn’t a modern preoccupation. It’s a deeply ingrained, evolutionary drive that shapes our behaviors, fuels our ambitions, and, as philosopher Rebecca Newberger Goldstein argues in her modern book, The Mattering Instinct: How Our Deepest Longing Drives Us and Divides Us, underlies much of the conflict and cooperation we observe in the world. Published in January 2026, Goldstein’s work, built on decades of thought and research, offers a compelling framework for understanding what motivates us, and why feeling like our lives have meaning is so crucial to our well-being.
A Lifelong Exploration of Meaning
Goldstein’s exploration of “mattering” didn’t begin with this book. She traces the roots of the concept back to her first novel, The Mind-Body Problem, published over forty years ago, where she introduced the idea of a “mattering map” – a way of understanding how individuals prioritize different sources of meaning in their lives. She observed that even someone possessing conventional markers of success – intelligence, attractiveness, desirability – could experience profound despair if their deeper need for significance wasn’t met. This initial observation evolved over time, informed by her work in philosophy and her observations of how the concept resonated with researchers in fields like behavioral economics and psychology. As she details on her website, the idea gained traction after psychologist Martin Seligman recognized its potential within the field of positive psychology, leading to a workshop dedicated to the theme.
Goldstein emphasizes that “mattering” isn’t simply about feeling good; it’s a fundamental human need, distinct from, but related to, the pursuit of happiness. She defines mattering as being deserving of attention, specifically our own attention. This self-assessment, however, is often fraught with uncertainty, leading us to seek external validation – to prove to ourselves that our sense of worth is justified. This drive manifests in various ways, which Goldstein categorizes into four primary strategies: religious/spiritual, social, heroic, and competitive.
The Evolutionary Roots of Significance
What sets humans apart, according to Goldstein, is our unique ability to reflect on our own mattering. Unlike other species, we aren’t simply driven by instinct; we question our own significance and actively seek ways to validate it. This capacity, while offering the potential for profound self-awareness, also creates a vulnerability to existential angst. The book delves into the biological and psychological underpinnings of this instinct, exploring how it evolved and how it continues to shape our behavior. It’s a drive that, when channeled constructively, can lead to progress and flourishing, but when misdirected, can contribute to conflict and division.
The book’s exploration of mattering isn’t intended as a self-help guide, Goldstein clarifies. She resisted framing it as such, believing that the science and philosophy behind the concept are too complex to be reduced to simple solutions for existential angst. Instead, she aims to provide a deeper understanding of what drives us as a species – why we crave recognition, why we strive for achievement, and why the feeling of being insignificant can be so devastating.
Mattering and Social Connection
Goldstein’s work highlights the crucial link between mattering and social connection. Our need to matter isn’t solely an individual pursuit; it’s deeply intertwined with our relationships with others. We matter to someone, and that sense of being valued by others is essential for our well-being. However, the ways in which we seek to matter can also create divisions. The pursuit of status, power, and wealth, for example, often comes at the expense of others.
This dynamic is particularly relevant in today’s society, where traditional sources of mattering – religion, community, and social institutions – have declined. As Goldstein notes in a recent Substack post, the focus has shifted towards money, power, and fame, creating a system where mattering is increasingly unequal. This inequality, she argues, is a significant source of social unrest and division.
The Politics of Mattering – and Misinterpretations
Goldstein’s analysis has, unsurprisingly, sparked debate. She recounts an instance where she was accused of being “totalitarian” after suggesting that societal inequalities in mattering are a problem. The critic misinterpreted her concern as a call for state-mandated mattering, a notion Goldstein vehemently rejects. She argues that the founding principles of the United States – life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness – implicitly recognize the importance of mattering for all citizens.
The book’s implications extend beyond individual well-being to the realm of public policy. Goldstein suggests that addressing the crisis of mattering requires creating a society where everyone has opportunities to feel valued and significant, not just through economic success, but through meaningful work, strong social connections, and a sense of purpose.
What Comes Next: A Broader Conversation About Value
Goldstein’s work isn’t a final answer, but rather an invitation to a broader conversation about what truly matters in life. It challenges us to examine our own “mattering projects” – the ways in which we seek to find meaning and significance – and to consider how those projects impact ourselves and others. The book’s release is likely to fuel further research and discussion in fields ranging from psychology and sociology to political science and philosophy. As our society grapples with increasing levels of anxiety, isolation, and division, understanding the fundamental human need to matter may be more crucial than ever. Further exploration of the four strategies – religious/spiritual, social, heroic, and competitive – and how they interact with individual and collective well-being, will be crucial.
You can learn more about The Mattering Instinct and Rebecca Newberger Goldstein’s work on her official website and through reviews available on Amazon.