Women’s Power: Self-Belief, Courage & Speaking Up | Psychology Today

The pursuit of what we seek is a fundamental human drive, yet the path to achieving It’s rarely straightforward. It’s a question that has occupied philosophers, novelists, and psychologists for centuries. I was reminded of this recently, thinking back to a conversation I had while studying psychology at the Sorbonne in Paris during the 1970s. A French friend offered a surprisingly pragmatic view: that women didn’t necessarily need the women’s liberation movement, but could, in fact, obtain what they desired from men if they were determined enough.

At the time, reeling from a recent heartbreak – my husband had left me – I found her perspective difficult to accept. It felt profoundly disconnected from my own experience. But her assertion sparked a fascinating discussion, one that led her to reference the 17th-century novel, The Princess de Clèves, by Madame de Lafayette. This novel, initially published anonymously, became a touchstone for exploring the complexities of desire, power, and agency.

The Historical Precedents of Agency

My initial reaction was to point out the tragic fate of the Princess herself, forever torn between love and duty, ultimately unable to secure a fulfilling union with the Duc de Nemours. Yet, my friend skillfully redirected my attention to the other women depicted in the novel. She highlighted figures like Diane de Poitiers, King Henri II’s mistress, who wielded considerable influence despite a significant age gap and a complicated past. And Catherine de Medici, who navigated the treacherous landscape of French politics to become the mother of three French kings. These women, she argued, were masters of obtaining what they wanted, even within the constraints of their time.

The historical examples are compelling, though not without their caveats. Diane de Poitiers’ power was contingent on her relationship with the king, and Catherine de Medici’s reign was marked by religious conflict and political maneuvering. The ultimate fate of Mary Queen of Scots, beheaded by her cousin Elizabeth I, serves as a stark reminder of the precariousness of power, even for queens. As Sorbonne University Archives notes, historical research provides a rich context for understanding these dynamics, but too reveals the complexities and often tragic consequences of pursuing personal desires within rigid social structures.

This theme of women navigating societal expectations to achieve their goals resonated through subsequent literature. The Brontë sisters – Charlotte, Emily, and Anne – writing in the 19th century under male pseudonyms (Currer, Ellis, and Acton Bell), fiercely advocated for women’s rights through their novels. Their choice to publish anonymously speaks to the barriers women faced in gaining recognition for their work, yet their writing powerfully challenged conventional norms.

The Power of Self-Reliance: Jane Eyre’s Stand

Charlotte Brontë’s Jane Eyre offers a particularly poignant example of a woman asserting her agency. When Jane discovers that her beloved Mr. Rochester is already married, she is faced with an impossible choice. He attempts to persuade her to become his mistress, arguing that no one would grasp or care. But Jane resolutely refuses, declaring, “I care for myself!” This moment is pivotal. It’s not simply a rejection of Rochester’s proposal, but an affirmation of her own moral compass and intrinsic value. Her strength lies in her independent thinking and her willingness to act on her convictions, even at the cost of personal happiness.

This willingness to “speak up” is a recurring motif in the pursuit of what we want. It’s a process often forged through hardship and overcoming obstacles. The ability to articulate our needs and boundaries, to stand up for what we believe is right, regardless of the consequences, is central to achieving a sense of fulfillment. It’s a lesson that transcends historical context and resonates deeply with contemporary challenges.

Beyond Gender: A Universal Principle

While my friend’s initial comment was framed within the context of women and their relationships with men, the underlying principle applies universally. The ability to get what we want isn’t about manipulation or coercion, but about self-awareness, courage, and a firm belief in our own worth. It’s about recognizing our intrinsic value as human beings and having the conviction to act in accordance with our principles.

The Sorbonne Library, a historic institution dating back to 1289 – as detailed on Wikipedia – stands as a testament to the enduring power of knowledge and intellectual pursuit. It’s a place where generations of scholars have sought to understand the human condition, and where the ideas that shape our world are preserved and debated. The pursuit of knowledge, like the pursuit of personal desires, requires courage, perseverance, and a willingness to challenge conventional wisdom.

The Role of Conscience and Moral Code

Jane Eyre’s refusal to compromise her conscience is a powerful illustration of this point. Her moral code, her sense of what is right and wrong, serves as the foundation of her existence. It’s this internal compass that guides her decisions and ultimately leads her to a path of self-respect and fulfillment. This isn’t to say that navigating life’s complexities is easy. There will inevitably be moments of doubt, uncertainty, and even failure. But it’s through these challenges that we develop resilience and a deeper understanding of ourselves.

The Bibliothèque Marguerite Durand, opened in 1932 as part of the Paris public library system, as noted in a guide to 20th Century French Feminism at the Library of Congress, provides a valuable resource for understanding the historical struggles and triumphs of women. It continues to host collections of French women’s publications and serves as a venue for feminist and women’s studies events. This demonstrates the ongoing importance of preserving and celebrating the voices of those who have fought for equality and self-determination.

the ability to get what we want isn’t about external forces or manipulating others. It’s about cultivating a deep sense of self-belief, having the courage to speak up, and acting in accordance with our values. It’s a journey that requires vulnerability, resilience, and a willingness to embrace the challenges that come our way. And it’s a journey that is, worth taking.

What comes next: Reflecting on these historical and literary examples can be a powerful exercise in self-discovery. Consider moments in your own life where you’ve had to stand up for what you believe in, even in the face of adversity. What did you learn from those experiences? How can you cultivate a stronger sense of self-belief and courage in your daily life?